Damnit, I love you. I don't love you.
Damnit, I need you. I don't need you.
Damnit, I want you. I don't want you.
I don't wanna lose you.
(Freely after Matthias Reim - Verdammt - Ich lieb' dich)
We were having dinner at a nice restaurant when a mid-twenty flawless beauty walked in. That she was accompanied with a very much older man is a fact but not of interest to this entry.*LOL* She was flawless and I mean flawless as in photo shopped before it reaches your eyes. Not surprising quite a few heads turned as did ours.
"Attracted?" Nathalie said. "Hmm, not really. She is gorgeous and all but attraction is a whole different matter." "So given the chance you wouldn't sleep with her?" She went on asking. "Oh I would sleep with her given the chance but I would see that as a temporary thing. I think it is called lust." "So what does attract you then?" "Beauty with flaws. Like a little scar above the eyebrow or a little bump on the nose. Something that makes it interesting." "Hmm okay, so I guess I have to ask now: What is my flaw?" "The one that first caught my eye?" "Yes, wait a second, there are more?" "Yeah." "Okay, let's have it. Start with the first one you saw." "It started with the slight bend of your nose. Followed by the small scar on your upper arm as well as little difference in height of your nipples. I later found out it is because your breasts differ in size. And last that cute dimple on your bum." "And you noticed that the first time you saw me?" "The nose I noticed long before but the arm and nipples only the evening we hooked up. The dimple and breast size the following morning." (Picture me grinning)
When we later sat at the bar Nathalie somehow ended up sitting next to this flawless vixen. Not much more then small talk was exchanged until she told her she was absolutely stunning but also wondered if she had perhaps a scar somewhere. The woman looked at her a little stunned but nevertheless told her she had a little scar near her knee. "Cheque please!" was the last thing Nath said.
I had fun tonight!
I was just happily chatting with Nath tonight when I suddenly said: "I've 17 reasons to smash the television set right now." She looked at me, slighty bewildered, and said: "You know you only need one, right?"
It is nice to know she supports me whatever I come up with *LOL*
I'm feeling well enough to get back to work tomorrow. Can not stay away any longer anyway. Normally I would have taken another day or two and this might well haunt me the coming weekend but I don't have an alternative really.
The price of feeling responsible. ;-)
I really need it. You know I need it so don't hold back and show it to me. Yeah, I know you've had the same thing but mine is worse. I can not see straight. All I can do is close my eyes and even that hurts. It hurts when I blink, it hurts when I turn my head. You know it hurts. You can see my pain. I'm putting on a brave face for you but those flinches you see are actually the equivalent of thunderbolts hitting my brain. Read a book you said. Well my eyeballs even hurt when I'm just following the line. Btw my legs are turning numb also because I have no strenght to do the exercises my back needs. You ever felt such numbness? I don't think so, so show it to me. And don't get me started about my throat. Even swallowing hurts and the only thing that helps there are cold beers. So bring me those, I need them. Not too much though cause they will cause my headache to grow. Oh and last but not least: Have you seen my nose? No it isn't caused by the beer. Don´t make fun about it. It feels as if the skin is coming off. Even the slightest of contact hurts so please give it to me. Show it, I know you can.......
Yeah so, I have a cold and I can not bitch about it? Tough!!! Now show me some compassion!
There are a few things that I really hate or maybe better fear to do but the one that is probably on top of my list is speaking in public. When you take time to think about it is actually weird for an adviser/consultant to have that fear. I don't mind small intimate groups, in fact I usually end up taking a lead role in there, the problem starts when the group becomes around 10 or more or when I have to make a presentation.
All my working life I have surrounded myself with people who knew I didn't speak in public and were willing and able to do the job for me. They gave/give our organisation a face and voice. I've gone as far as handing written messages to them with questions I'd like to ask and perhaps an even lower point was reached when I asked a former employee, who just came to say his goodbye's to my assistant, to hold the speech on that same going away party. But somehow people accept that from me. I'm guessing it's either the fact I'm very open about it or that I'm a likeable guy or a combination of those two. Anyways I get away with it.
Today we held a meeting at a theatre and about 45-50 people were present. I had to be there of course but it goes without saying I wasn't scheduled to speak. At some point however, I already forgot what triggered it, I had to speak up and suddenly with the words coming from my mouth I realised that having been silent all that time actually meant my words had a far greater effect then I anticipated. I couldn't stop at that point but I had to do some damage control afterwards.
I've assured my colleagues that this was a one-off but knowing the weight of my words when I do speak does make me wonder if I should use it a little more. My fear will prevent me from planning such a thing but maybe next time when I start to write down some words I have to think about the importance a little more and weigh the option of speaking myself.
Okay, I may not understand personal publicity or politics but when during a debate (or at least that's how it was billed) someone says you're doing A you do not just reply with: "I have a short answer: No. But let me tell you about B."
Actually I think I do understand personal publicity and politics a little but I can say I do not care much for practicing either. If anyone tells me I do A, I do however either explain they are wrong and the reasoning behind it or agree with them and defend that position.
Although I only saw flashes of the latest debate a strange thought took harbour in my brain. "You can always put on a clown suit and say that anyone who chooses you will get laughter in his or her life but making people smile is actually one of the hardest things in life"