Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Me: Hey T. this is H. How are..
Her: Damn I waited for this call, what, 10 years now? How much?
M: Uh, How much have you available?
H: Whatever you need.
M: Nice to hear things are going well. I need your distribution network and 200k with another 100 maybe later.
H: Percentage or shares?
H: Send me the bank details and paperwork
M: That easy?
H: Nah, you need to hit town with me one night also.
M: mmkay. You know we aged 10 years also, right?
H: Yeah yeah. How's Nath?
M: She's fine.
H: Bring her.
M: I'm guessing you're single again?
H: Yup and I'm gonna hit on her.
M: Okay, If she wants I'll bring her with me.
H: Put in the effort. See you soon.
M: Ciao, will mail you today.
In five minutes I got a gigantic headache to look forward to, a lesbian hitting on my partner and the deal I've been breaking my head over for about a month now.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Largely due to writing a column I've recently found myself explaining my views more then I would have liked but I guess that it comes with the territory. The positive of this has been that I was made to think and write a little more about my views. The negative, judging by the subsequent comments, is that people get hung up about my views not being in line with each other. I never said they were. The only thing I have said is that I think logical, not that I think consequent.
Once I have a point of view on something it is hard for others to change my mind but when you ask my opinion about a related matter my point of view can be influenced by having had a good or bad coffee that morning or hitting my toe. The outcome is open and so it can happen that on related matters I have different views yet stick with both at the same time.
The most recent debate was about christmas (I'm deliberately ignoring the spell check indicating I should use a capital C btw). As a kid I hated christmas. There was no particular reason other then that I could. Why I could? Ever told a kid something that months later came back to nip you in the bum? I was such a kid.
I must have been 7 or 8 years old when I was staying at my grandpa for a week during a summer break and he specifically told me not to go swimming. I did anyway and when he asked why I told him that everyone went swimming. He asked if when everyone jumped of a building I was going to jump too. I had to admit I wouldn't and he told me that from that moment on whenever "everyone" did something I had to think of the building. And thus 6 months later I decided against christmas.
Fast forward 30 years and I still hate christmas. During these years I've collected reasons to do so more then reasons not to do so. Some of the reasons (in no particular order):
- People slowly switching off in the month leading up to christmas. This seems to be a progressive trend by the way.
- The fact christmas is commercially altered to fit into the christian calendar.
- People decorating their homes and workspace because it makes the place feel better. If so, then why not leave the decorations there all year long? You don't live or work in a place for a year feeling bad just so you can have a better feeling for a few weeks. Logic says you do it the other way round.
- People judging those not participating whilst at the same time preaching the christmas tantrum of peace, equality and togetherness.
I have more but I won't bother you with those. I will however bother you with the fact I like christmas lights, the christmas songs from Mariah Carey, Chris Rea and Wham (although not 10 times a day) and christmas shopping windows.
Feel free to share your views.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
As for me, I have to admit I'm more the bumper then the bumpee. As most of those who use public transport, especially trains, know people wait in front of the doors rather then to the side of them. Thus making it harder for those who need to get off before they can get on. It makes no sense to stand in front of the doors yet it seems to be the most popular place. Neither public advertising nor Mr. Darwin's Evolution theory have made significant inroads into that belief.
For me herein lies the challenge. I want to educate people but don't want to use words doing so. When exiting, in my case the train, I therefor look straight ahead and expect people to move. You'd be surprised how many actually move with this attitude whereas they wouldn't when you'd ask nicely. When they don't move I just bump into them. Not hard but just enough to 'educate' them. When they start yelling, hardly ever I hear a 'Sorry', I don't react. I just keep walking ahead. The risk they come after you is rather slight because they need to catch the train after all.
Within the community of non-movers there is a special breed. Namely those carrying coffee. They either are preoccupied by their coffee or not noticing their particular vulnerability to the bump. In any way I especially target them. Not to spill the coffee all over them but to spill nevertheless. I have been known to slightly bring out the elbow for a better effect I admit.
So now you know. I have a dark side. A side that only came to the surface because Darwin and public advertising just couldn't cope with stupidity. After decades of waiting for the light to come on inside those heads I couldn't manage to wait any more. I'm getting older too, you know. Now I just hope to grow old enough to see my educational talents be deemed supernatural.
Friday, December 3, 2010
The pain situation
Two weeks ago I stopped with the painkillers because I felt I was making enough progress.
And I was right. Without the painkillers I was able to sleep in bed and do the normal daily things without pain.
And I was wrong. Without the pain didn't mean I was healed. Having put chores on a slow burner during the weeks before I thought that painless as I was I could do them all in one weekend. Wrong, I had to take a pill as soon as I was finished but at that point (Monday) I still felt it was a minor issue.
The next day it was a bit worse but I jokingly told a colleague that by the muscle pain I had, I could feel I hadn't done anything around the house for a few weeks.
Wednesday I went to work but went home after only a few hours. The pain I felt was worse then I had in the beginning.
My right hand and fingers were swollen and my entire right arm felt as if it was going to explode. Hoping it would go away I waited a day before getting stronger meds. You could say that in my thinking there reality lost to hope but in the end there was no escaping. I needed stronger drugs. Although I got them on Friday it took till Saturday night for them to become effective. The pain level dropped to something I could handle and now my 'depression' could make way for optimism.
Today I went back to lesser drugs again. Let me first stress that I hate medication but sometimes you just need them. I don't like pain either but I like to feel pain so I know at which stage my body is. Let's hope I can slowly get to the point again where I can stop taking the painkillers.
The overall situation
After the better part of 10 weeks I was so relieved that I was able to stop using painkillers. I saw myself picking up my normal life. Going to social events again and going out to dinner and enjoy the conversation and a good glass of wine. And then the pain returned. The tears in my eyes were not only from the pain I can tell you.
Fed up with the situation I was ready to do the operation even though this meant being more or less bed bound for 6 to 8 weeks. Taking that option I knew I was getting rid of the problem and it would not return as easily as it had.
The future will decide if I'm lucky with the surgeon I have. I, frustrated and tired, want a quick solution and he, although he wants to operate on me because of the interesting nature of the procedure, doesn't want to operate on something that with rest can heal itself. We discussed it for quite some time but I (luckily?) can't force him to operate so we agreed to put the decision on hold for another 5 weeks.
At the moment the level of pain supports his view but a little voice in the back of my head still tells me it can turn bad in an instance again and that worries me. I need to be very cautious with what I do and at the moment that's easy because of the pain I still have. What I need to remember is that once the pain is gone the problem needs another few months to fully disappear. And that will be a problem.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I once had someone claiming my theatre seat because his grandfather had fought in the Great War and was honoured with some sort of medal. My reply: "Well we, the people, have shown him our appreciation with that medal so what have you done to deserve my seat?" didn't go down very well.
Today whilst waiting at the lost and found desk to report one of Hanneke's suitcases missing someone barged into me trying to cut in front of us. Normally I am very lenient towards people who want to cut into a line in front of me. They have to ask of course but I try never to make much of a hassle of it. I hardly ever am in a hurry so why bother with that.
Today was different though. This guy never asked and when I blocked him he threw a tantrum. If I didn't know who he was and what he could do to me. Hanneke let a 'uh-oh' escape when he said that and sadly he took that as an encouragement rather then the warning it had been. "Yes, listen to your little lady. Be afraid of what I can do to you." Once again Hanneke said: "Uh-Oh."
"So who are you and what can you do to me?" I asked, slightly amused.
"I am baron what's his name and I can make sure you never find a job in this country ever again. I'm very well connected I tell you. My family is connected to the Royal family."
Still amused: "So you aren't really royalty then. But you are responsible for us being all civilized and such."
"Yes, I'm glad you understand. Now step aside." He took a step forward.
"I'm sorry but I can't. Being civil and all, myself, I have to stay nicely in this line and I can only let people who ask friendly if they may cut in line in front of me pass. You stepped right into that one, didn't you?"
His face turned reddish so I guess he was becoming angry. "You never work in this country again."
"Don't tell me you are going to do the work for me. I find that hard to believe somehow. Now let's drop this and you just stay nicely behind me."
"You should have listened to your little lady I tell you."
At this point Hanneke turned around and with a deadly calm voice said: "I tried to warn you, not him. Do you know who I am? No? Think harder." At which point she turned back and she left the guy in total shock.
I had never seen her this way. And I liked what I saw.
Friday, November 12, 2010
And now on this late windy November day he clearly was going to move. Had she missed the opportunity or would she see him on another day? "Where are you going?" she asked. "Down." The deep voice with which he spoke that one word made her shiver. Or was it the gusty wind that seemed to be getting heavier?
Suddenly the wind made her loose her balance. Her fall was soft as she landed right on top of him but there was no attempt by him to catch her. What was wrong? Too late she saw the branch they both had shared a spot on coming down also. It landed right on top of them.
Without being together for more then a second they were separated for eternity.
**Don't tell me you never thought about the romance between leaves**
Saturday, November 6, 2010
I never actually had thought about this but I can't remember. Ex-girlfriends are the obvious to think about but with all but one I have good contact still. Even with women I've fired, and came across later in life, I have a reasonable relationship. Why is this? Being likable or cute is too easy an explanation. Those go out of the window as soon as you really hurt someone. So what's wrong with me. I know I've hurt women I've a reasonable to good relationship with...
Or is it them?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
But Nath needs a holiday badly. She has worked hard for most of the year and with projects coming up later had to go now or not go this year. Reluctantly she started looking for a friend to go with her, found one and will be on her way come this Monday. It is not a bad thing to buy two 'lonely' ladies a drink but when you see a pair of them in Spain the next two weeks make sure to mention my name when doing so. You could end up having great company.
As to poor me. I will probably take a few days off myself and grab a book or two I want to read. And when the sun sets I will stare to the horizon thinking of her, contemplating if the advice I gave was the right one and hoping she'll return to my cave safely.
Bon voyage mon amour.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
And then we have a day like today where I'm almost free of pain. It throws you a curve ball. Here I am trying to figure out how to go from this point. When to schedule an operation and then my body decides to toy a little and make the second option of rest a possibility. Weird stuff.
Whatever happens I've decided to wait till Monday before I schedule an operation. Even then there is a waiting list for 4-6 weeks and when during that time the hernia decides to get lost I can always cancel. If I don't schedule an operation and take the route of resting I could end up being in pain for another 10 weeks with the same outcome: An operation.
Freaking weird stuff
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I've stopped my social life because the extra pain it causes. Right now I don't consider it worth it.
My sex life has stopped mostly because of the drugs. I would take the extra pain *LOL* but somehow don't have the drive. And my work life sort of stumbles on. I have obligations and take the extra pain because of them but as soon as I see an opening to leave I'm gone.
Up till now people in general have been very considerate but I can't predict how long they will be. At some point they will start demanding again and I hope when that time comes my problem is solved. Right now I have the utmost respect for those living with pain all their life and being able to function as well.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Because I was still unable to lay down I got new medication on Monday: Oxynorm/Oxycodon, Jayne told me that it is Hillbilly Heroin. I can tell you that I didn't like it. It took away the pain but with that went the control over my body. Rapid heartbeat, shivering and shaking, hyperactivity followed by tiredness. All symptoms that caused me to switch back to Tramadol again. I rather have a little pain and control then no pain and no control.
I have to say that my appointment with the neurologist and radiologist for next Wednesday played a role in this decision. What's another week when you had four already, right?
On Wednesday they will diagnose my problem. Make an MRI if necessary. Pinched nerve or hernia? Maybe something totally different? Anyway, at the end of the day they will give me answers and the route to go forward.
Oh and when you see me online during the night please gimme a shout. I get bored playing Bejeweled all the time. ;-)
Monday, October 4, 2010
In general the responses are 'refreshing', 'interesting look on things' and 'humorous'. The one that got printed I have to give partial credit to Lara for, who during one of my pain caused nightly intermezzo's was online. We got to talk about finding topics for columns and somehow I boasted that I could write one about traffic lights if I wanted to and make it sound interesting. Of course only when you have a 'free' column, one where you can write about anything, this could work. I mentioned to her that the lights were being replaced by roundabouts more and more over here and my fear that the cupid factor (flirting while it's red) of traffic lights had been underrated in the decision making.
I sort of toyed with this idea for a bit and decided I should prove to myself I actually could write such a column. Much to my surprise my friend the editor was really enthusiastic about it and decided this one could make the printed version. No need to say I was and am proud.
So far the reactions on the publication have been positive and luckily I don't have a deal where I need to write a column every so often otherwise I might suffer from the pressure to live up to this first one.
I tried to translate it to English but even with some help from Nathalie I feel it just doesn't translate. Maybe I will write it entirely new in English one of these days to see if that works.
Oh and yes I'm still in pain and using drugs so who knows what other topics may come up during the coming nights.
Monday, September 27, 2010
1. I have a pinched nerve on the right side of my spinal column (C7 I think for those known with the spine)
2. This causes a muscle at the back of my shoulder to be irritated.
3. Pressure on this muscle (unavoidable when lying down) causes the triceps of my right arm to hurt tremendously.
4. Somehow my right index finger has gone numb. You know, That sleepy feeling without the waking up sensation.
5. Because of the pain in the upper part of the arm I've used the lower part in a way it wasn't used to resulting in a painful elbow and much tension in those muscles.
6. The first batch of medication didn't work as they were targeting inflammation and not pain directly.
7. The new meds I got Friday (Tramadol) purely target the pain so now I'm able to at least be semi-pain free. (50 to 80% is taken away) Since Friday I have been able to catch up on some of the sleep lost. (25 hours of sleep in 7 days drives you mad)
Due to the points 1 to 6 I haven't slept in a bed for 11 days now and probably won't for another couple. I'm getting treatment to unpinch the nerve and get the muscles loose so I'm hoping come this weekend I be able to lay down again.
How I sleep? Well I sorta hang on the couch trying to avoid pressure on the shoulder muscles giving the agony. But I need to support my head in a way it will not fall to one side when I sleep because that causes pain and me to, subsequently, wake up. I won't take pictures but it is a interesting position.
Does this help the pinched nerve? Nope, but in order to really get after that one I need the pain to be gone. Otherwise I will assume positions caused by the pain that are counter-productive to getting that nerve free.
Although I didn't want to admit it affected my mood at the time I now can say I'm in a better place.
More to come I'm sure.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I've been unable to lay down for two days now. The sleep intermezzo's I've had were short naps while sitting in the most comfortable position on the couch. A position that changes and is not easily to be found. The painkillers surely don't live up to the latter part of their name and I'm fearing the night ahead,
First thing tomorrow is a call to the doctor and chiropractor.....
I just want a few pain free hours so I can get some rest and some sanity back...
All I can say right now is: FUGG!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
.....sometimes there is a day where I don't want to answer questions or hear remarks about us. Sometimes I just want to walk hand in hand with her and not be looked at as a some sort of freak show. Sometimes I just want to stand in the middle of the street with her and be anonymous.
I quite often get questions like How did you pull that of? or What does she see in you? I know not all come from a negative background. Some are more of the admiring kind but it remains an awkward question nevertheless. I seldom grant them an answer if you discard the slight smile I will give.
And when I do answer it usually is a smart remark. Although one I better not use anymore. Had we had a doghouse I would have spend the night there after what I said somehow got back to her. Clearly she isn't after my money *LOL*
I know I shouldn't be bothered by it and I usually can let it slip. But today when walking through Antwerp I was fed up with it and as a response pinched Nath's bum. She didn't mind at all and until she reads this probably didn't know why I did it. But for me that moment felt like defeat. Perhaps you'll think I overreact but staking my claim on what is not mine to claim felt like that to me.
Luckily I usually have a rather long fuse. Her bum could turn blue if I pinched her everytime we came across preying eyes. And we certainly don't want that!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Eventually, when she feels it is time, she will start talking about it.
**skip 30 minutes**
"I'm so angry with you."
And there it was. Totally clueless as to what I had done to make her angry I just looked at her and waited.
"I ask you to do one thing and one thing only and you don't do it."
Still I couldn't remember what she had asked me to do and forgot. I kept my silence.
"That poor animal didn't get any food all day. And luckily my neighbour heard her miauw in the middle of the night and went looking. She gave her some food."
"I'm sorry to hear that but where do I fit in?"
"Where you fit in? I specifically asked you if you could go over and feed her. That's where you fit in!"
"Hmm, okay. And when did you specifically ask me?"
"When I called you Sunday evening. Is your short term memory going already?"
"Hun, check your calls. We haven't spoken since I left your house on Sunday afternoon. And had we spoken, I would have told you I had a dinner meeting and was unavailable to go over and feed her."
"Are you sure?"
Panic showed on her face. She reached for her phone and started to look at her call history. She looked twice but her face turning red, dark red, gave me the answer. There wasn't a call.
"I'm so sorry. I was sure I had called and asked you. I'm so sorry. I have to make this up to you somehow."
"Make up for what?"
"Make up for the fact I have been mad at you for the entire day."
"I didn't know you were mad at me, so once again: Make up for what?"
"Well.... you may not have known but everyone I spoke to today knows......I need to make that up to you."
"I don't care about those. I do like the concept of making up but once again: Make up for what?"
Slowly she came to realize what I was doing.
"You're playing the short term memory card, right?"
She jumped in my lap and we sorta made up....
Saturday, August 28, 2010
"Yeah, you did. Why?"
"I'm writing a story and I can't recall her name."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I need her name. I will eventually remember but I need it now."
"What are you writing?"
"About how a passing woman's smell reminded me of her and how smells in general can trigger memories."
"So you remember her smell but not her name?"
"Yeah, today it was in that order. So how about that name?"
<insert big sigh>
I can't figure out what I did wrong. We both know I would eventually have come up with the name but somehow it wouldn't pop up in my head today so I asked the person who could know the name to share the information with me. Seems normal to me.
Don't hesitate to point out my wrong.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Hmm, what would be a nice house warming gift? A plant. He just moved and has more space now so that should be OK.
WRONG, I have this flaw where I expect plants to be mainly self providing with the occasional help from me. (That's when I remember they need water)
But after the visits I was the proud owner of two plants. Having only drinking glasses I could use to water them I went out and bought a watering can. Plant #1 went quite early but plant #2 was a tough one. Until today. Today at 6PM I called it time. Now I'm just the proud owner of a watering can.
Please, whenever you decide to bring me a gift for my house bring me flowers.
Flowers aren't meant to be around for more then two, three weeks tops.
Flowers like me and foremost I like them.
Flowers, I can take care of.
Flowers, you don´t expect to see at your next visit.
Flowers, don´t bring you grief.
Flowers, in the end, make both of us happy.
or bring wine and we go for instant happiness
Monday, August 16, 2010
Okay, I agree on her judgment of me as a writer and I know I had people smile reading my thoughts. But the new dimension stuff I find a little too much. Anyways I decided to see if a friend of mine would take me on for a column or two in his magazine. No pay, just space. He was a little hesitant but when I told him I would just supply and let him be the judge he took me on. For now I'm only sure it will be online and based on reactions it might make the printed version one day. I've no deadlines just a feel free to contribute agreement. I hope to come up with one or two a month.
Some will make it to these pages but most won't. Too much is often lost in translation and asking Nath to use her qualities to translate them I just won't do. Perhaps she'll read one and offers to do it but that's entirely up to her. *hint*
I'm very pleased I'm back to writing.
Friday, August 13, 2010
I can’t remember the day we first met but I do know I disliked you immediately . Having never met you before you apparently found it normal to enter a room and sit on my knee.
Had you taken some time to get to know me you would have known I first like to get acquainted. Ever since that moment I tried to make it clear I wanted nothing from you. The fact you didn't pick up on it, I now know, is because you were what you were. I gave you routes to escape. I tried to guide you towards the open door but you were stubborn and this eventually became your downfall.
One moment of letting your guard down and now you are lying on your back. Life has escaped you and those hating you wait for the next to come along. It will only be a matter of time. We know that.
It is as if there is some sort of training camp somewhere. Perhaps you were the top of your class. Maybe you even made it to the honors list but you, had you been able to understand, would agree that there is a flaw in what they taught you. It will lead to death and by default none of you make it back to the training camp to tell about it.
Btw I never got your name. RIP Fly.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Whenever we decide to not take on a project I feel as leader of the gang I should deliver the decision myself even when it isn't one of my personal clients. Yesterday was one of those days and on the way to the meeting my colleague kept going on and on about this demanding CEO (The Man from here on in) we were going to meet who didn't accept no from anyone. My colleague got even more nervous when she asked what I had prepared to say and I told her I had nothing.
The meeting took place in the typical boardroom. A room to impress. We were sitting at one side of the way too large table with his aides opposite. The Man himself was of course at the head of the table. Oh yeah, I felt the power, LOL. After the pleasantries the meeting started. The Man wanted control and started to talk but I interrupted him, much to the dislike of my colleague and The Man, but I didn't want to waste time. 'We can not take on this project.' The Man answered me with a stare which I answered with a smile. The silence seemed to go on and on but I just kept smiling. I started to notice some uneasiness from his aides though. Clearly this was new to them. The The Man spoke: 'What can you do?' I pointed to my colleague and she took over from there.
Two hours later the meeting ended without me saying another word. On the way out I broke my silence and told The Man I wouldn't bill him for my one minute performance and would have left sooner had I been able to. I couldn't as my colleague was my ride. Clearly the chauffeur type the look on his face was priceless.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Anyway we had a long talk this morning and I was able to reset her 'system'. After 15 or so years she knows that when I think something is finished it is for me. Being married or even being chained to a wall wouldn't make a difference.
Many, many moons ago I asked her if she could imagine growing old with me, even if it would mean we ended up in separate rooms in a home for the elderly. She said she could and I asked her to let me know if and when something changed. I promised I would do the same. This for me is as strong a commitment as marriage would be. I don't promise much but when I do I do the utmost to keep them.
The fact Nath lost her way in the discussion with her gf on this subject does leave me with the question however if she is already losing it. Is she getting old much quicker then I am?
Hun, hang in there. I'll catch up (one day).
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I figured something in the book had triggered that question and, with my habit of treating a question as just a question and not reading anything into it before the follow-up questions arrive, I answered that it depended on the reason.
If she had found a new partner I would probably cover myself with work and go into seclusion for a few months and had I found a new partner I would probably just move on. But if it was a mutual decision I wouldn't know what I would do. Then it would depend on whether or not I was at peace with it.
I could see something about the answer wasn't to her liking....
"You clearly have thought about this."
"No, not really but I don't want to defend myself for answering your question."
"Hold on. You're not getting away with this that easily."
"Look, I was just answering your question. I'm secure about my insecurities involving our relationship. What would you do if we broke up?"
"I don't know. I really don't know."
"Silly woman. Here I am thinking I'm the one who is insecure...."
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Yesterday afternoon I hooked up with my friend Harry. He's one of those friends I don't see often but when we do we discuss in a way that those present wonder how we can make sense of it or if it even is a discussion. We change topics quicker then we sip our beers.
When Nath came home last night she asked how Harry was doing and what we discussed. "He's doing great and we talked about suicide." She stopped taking her coat off and looked at me in shock. "Suicide? Why did you talk about suicide? Is he....? How did you come to talk about....? Oh wait don't answer that one." But I couldn't resist explaining how we came to suicide. "We somehow were talking about squirrels. That led to hoarding which in turn let us to the question who wouldn't hoard in times of need. It obvious those suicidal wouldn't hoard. Thus the subject became suicide." "Sorry I asked. I forgot who I sleep with." "Hehe, you sleep with Harry?" "No comment. So what did you two conclude?"
We agreed I'd be unsuccessful at a help line because I'm not against taking your own life albeit a very selfish act. I don´t know how anyone would get to a stage where they could commit suicide but some clearly reach that stage and I can´t see why suicide should be forbidden. I do however think there should be some sort of honor code that includes informing those trained to deal with this (police etc) after the act, leaving kids out of it and doing it in way no one else get traumatized.
So jumping off buildings or in front of trains is an absolute no-no. What have train drivers done to be scarred for life by a jumper or what have innocent passersby´s done to be subjected to the possibility someone lands on them. (This happened recently btw. The jumper survived the passerby didn´t.)
I know some don´t agree with me but before anyone starts bashing my view on this let me share some background information that might lessen the reaction.
- I do have personal experience with this.
- I do think that no one committing suicide is a hero or a villain.
- I do think we failed those committing suicide
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Hope is what many brings to the country. Hope of causing an upset (North Korea?). Hope of reaching the second round (Slovenia?). Hope of doing well by reaching the quarter-finals (USA?). Hope of reaching the semis (Italy?) or even hope of walking away with the title (Too many).
In 4 weeks time we will know whose hope was based on realism and whose wasn't. During this time emotions will run high. Countries will come to a stand still for the duration of a game. Decisions will be made. Both correct and blatantly incorrect. But let's all remember that whilst this is the greatest show on earth, in the end it is nothing more then entertainment.
Quote (freely taken from Rik de Saedeleer, a Belgian sports journalist) "32 teams are competing, 31 turn up to do as good as possible, 1 to show how good they are. The Dutch."
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Why my 12-year-old niece came to that sentence? Well, I was having a little fun with her. She told me she couldn't play a game on her playstation because it would ask for an update which then wouldn't allow her to play the illegally downloaded games on it any longer. Of course she had no idea that I make a lot of my money in the copyright and license business so I started to tell her a story....
"... I'm so happy I made the deal with your mom that in case we would run into poverty and needed help she would get her first born and her second would be for me, that's you by the way." She looked at me horrified. "I can see myself in the gutter, my hand reaching out begging for a gift from you. But you don't recognize me with the beard and sleazy hair. My clothes, well rags rather, smell so bad that instead of just walking by you actually take a wider path. I can see that you ask yourself how this man could have sunk this low so i mumble with an alcoholic voice the answer to your unspoken question. You copied games illegally and this is what you did to me." She looked a little scared now. "But you can't understand my drunken mumblings and look away in disgust. Luckily the next person passing me by hands me a quarter and having seen you just now reminds me of the deal I once made with your mom. So I call her to claim you....."
"But my mom copied the games so you should blame her."
"That's why she never answered my call." I said with a big grin on my face.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Years and years later during a trip down memory lane this 'incident' came up. I asked my mom how she could trust the word of an 18-year-old who wasn't exactly the poster boy for the model student. It couldn't have been my blue eyes. According to her it wasn't as much what I said but the way I said it and she then warned me for that. She warned me that people could easily make the mistake of taking my jokes for reality because I often switch between those in the same sentence. Not everyone is able to read between your lines she said.
Even if that were the case I just can't imagine people taking my words too seriously. Shouldn't I do that first? I mean that most of the time I don't even remember exactly what I have said because it is just what it is. A funny intermezzo. Nothing more, nothing less.
Writing a blog entry or a letter is different because there I can't use the tone of my voice to make the distinction that is needed but communicating directly with someone in voice or even via instant messaging with the use of emoticons I can't help myself. I have to make jokes. Or..I believe the term is quips.
Recently a friend came to me about something I had said to her. I couldn't remember it but she was somewhat upset by it and even more when I didn't remember it. I'm absolutely sure I didn't mean to hurt her feelings but I obviously did. Not remembering it is quite a good indication I didn't mean it btw. But I am who I am and those quips are part of me. I can't say sorry for that.
Live with it or leave with it.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Of course I know I've written quite some intimate stories on-line but I've always tried to tell them in a way no one could point a finger and say: "That's about you!" Of course those who know me personally and read the stories could figure it out but to make the identities known to a more general public I find a little awkward. And of course everything I do or did on-line is somewhere to be found.
But do I want it bundled and presented as one? No, I decided after a good nights sleep and some discussions with Nath. I know, taking into account all the influences that one runs into during life, I'm a successful self-made man. I know my views on certain things are a little off and therefor sometimes interesting to others. I know my lifestyle is in itself material for a book.
I know who I am (I think) and in the end decided I am not interesting or successful enough for a book (yet).
Feel free to disagree *LOL*
Friday, May 7, 2010
In all honestly: Life coaches are a scam. There is no degree needed for it and other then a reasonable amount of experience in life for being able to listen and give advice I can't think of any job requirements. Part of being a friend is being a life coach and you won't get billed for talking to a friend.
I hope he has seen the light.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
"It wasn't my fault, this time but to answer your question, I position myself strategically and wait for a moment of opportunity. Once it presents itself I jump on it."
"Look I'm not mad or anything but I'm pretty sure my next invite, if I even get one, won't read Nathalie plus one."
"I'm sorry if your social life will take a hammering because of this. I'll come up with things to replace it with."
"Get your mind out of the gutter."
"But hun, I'm thinking of you."
"Like I said, out of the gutter!" I had her smiling again.
Why we had this discussion? Well... Nath asked if I would tag along to a vernissage she had been invited to and as I had nothing really interesting to do and still need some paintings for my new home decided to join her. Last time I went to one with her I made someone cry so she stressed that I had to be on my best behaviour. I promised I would try.
Anyway when we got to the studio where the vernissage was being held I regretted my decision. My first mistake. The works were by a Picasso wannabee and using the name of the great master is too much credit for this artist.
**Skipping forward 30 minutes.**
I was nipping from my glass of white wine and looking at a painting with a great grey blob in the middle thinking "What the ... is this supposed to be?" when someone came up behind me and asked what I saw. I answered truthfully. My second mistake. I told whoever was behind me that I didn´t know what I was looking at and that if he told me it was an elephant I would argue that a grey splatter on a canvas wasn´t really an elephant. The person behind me said: “Well, if you don’t see it you’re not worthy.” Somewhat baffled I turned around. “Wow that was a flashback to the 8th grade. But did you really say that I’m not worthy…of this junk?” I said pointing at the paintings. The woman/man opposite me turned on his/her heels and left the building in a rage. Someone later said it was the artist…….
Friday, April 30, 2010
"My mom said I should call my uncle."
"Did she say why?"
"hmm okay...what happened just before she said it?"
"Nothing really. we had an argument about school."
"Yes, and what about?"
"That I didn't need to study or make homework like she had to do. That I was more like you."
You think I didn't study?"
"Yes and you never did your homework. And now you run a business and have lots of money."
"I have to correct you. I don't have lots of money. I have money. Do you know who has lots of money?"
"Your mum does and you know why? Because she did her homework and put in the hours of study."
"So my mum is better then you?"
"It is hard for me to admit to that but yes, when it comes to making the most of ones abilities she is better then I am. And you need to study and go to school and pay attention before you understand what abilities you have. You go to school to find out about your abilities and along the way you learn what those are. I only understood that once I left school. You don't think I ran a business when I left school, do you?"
"No, Yes, What did you do when you left school?"
"I had to work for a boss. Many hours a week. Only then I started to pay attention and luckily I was able to start my own business but only after years of working long days and many hours. Had I followed the classes in school the way I was supposed to I probably wouldn't have had so much difficulty finding my ability. Take it from me: When you want to become someone like me: Do the work now. It is much easier to do when you are young. Every year you throw away in your teens you will have to do double in your twenties. And believe me: You will want to spend that time differently."
Hours later I had my sister on the phone. "I don't know what you told him but he headed straight for the books. I can't believe I've seen the day you became an advocate for schools. You must have scared the living daylights out of him."
"Shhh. Don't tell anyone. Just be glad he is studying."
"Okay. Love ya, bye"
"Love ya too, ciao"
I think when kids look up to you, especially when they are not your own, you need to jerk yourself from their pedestal every now and then. They never get to see the hard work you do but only see you in a relaxed mode when it is time for some banter and fun.
Next time we'll meet I probably will tell my nephew that I'm smarter then his mum but am scared to use it to its full potential. Just to keep him on his toes and me partly on my pedestal. ;-)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Even I, fond and not overly critical of the USA, have shaken my head in disbelief sometimes when we discussed something that had happened.
But today, in his 77th year on this planet, he shocked me. Not only did he criticize the Pope and the entire catholic church (A huge step I can tell you) he also spoke badly about the US of A.
In his words: They lost it and they lost their moral high ground. Even if their high ground was only imaginary they've now become nothing more then just a large country with enormous fire power.
For a man his age to step away from something he had great belief in there must be something going wrong.
FYI: We were discussing a.o. the 'praying' issue.
Friday, April 16, 2010
I do expect others to make mistakes. They do of course. And when I'm aware of it I correct them and friendly point it out to them. But why oh why do they feel the need to make me angry? I can handle excuses like not having been informed but I can't take the "I didn't do that" or "I wasn't here that day."
People, making the mistake is bad. Not owning up to them is even worse.
Oh and Nath, you were absolutely right. I totally forgot what I had to do. No excuse just a fact.
I don't even have an excuse for forgetting it.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Of course I wondered why someone, living at a busy road, would do that and to make sure it wasn't a female thing I asked Nathalie. She assured me it must have been a one off.
Fast forward to last night. After visiting my niece for her birthday I was going to hook up with Nath at a bar in Utrecht and we would go to her place. "Do you want to take the direct or the scenic route?" I asked when she hopped on the back of the bike. "Okay, Mr. Lucky, show me the boobies." And with a "Boobies coming up" I started peddling. Five or so minutes into the ride I joyously yelled "Eyes left!" And again, in a different street in a different city, a topless woman was standing there for everyone to be seen.
These were the questions that followed and were left unanswered:
1. How do you do that?
2. Why didn't you stop?"
3. Did you arrange for this?"
4. You know her, right?"
All I know is that I'll keep my eyes open next time I ride my bike. :-)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Three times I answered truthfully that she wouldn't be around and I would be spending it alone. I didn't even make a sad face. Got invited three times for dinner.
Two times they just asked if we would like to come around for Easter and once they sorta invited themselves to come visit me. As soon as I said no I got invited to theirs.
I've had a busy few months with work and moving and the coming weeks aren't a stroll in the park either so I looked forward to this weekend on my own. I knew for some time that Nath would be away. I'm good in being alone.
And although I appreciate the invites: When I decline because I want to be alone don't start to project your own fears of being alone onto me. I can't help you feel lonely when alone. I'm not.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Yep, when she asked I first looked if I could determine if she was pregnant or perhaps carrying an injury. But as she wasn't and I declined she made her case. I had to give her my seat because she was on tv.
I don't believe you.
I can tell stories but this one even I could not make up. She went even further though.
I still don't believe you. What did she do?
She asked if I knew who her father was and how much he made last year. I had no clue so I said no. Turned out her father was a ceo and made more then a million last year.
What did you do?
I couldn't help myself and had to tinker a little with the truth to put her in her place. I made a puppy face and asked if she could have some sympathy for me as last year wasn't such a good year for me and I only made 1.5 million. And to deliver the final blow I told her I was the guy that got her daddy fired. (it wasn't me but I know who did)
I find it hard to believe you.
Don´t. Just accept that this could have happened. I know it did.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I rest my case ;-) (It is all love my dear)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
She thought about it for a second and then a smile lit up her face. "You know I only love you because of these off-hand remarks, right?" "It's a package deal. You get the quickies and... well mostly you get the quickies."
I think it took us the better part of a year to get reacquainted but we're getting there.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Situation 1: A twenty-year-old sits on the curb of the road clearly having drunk too much. She: Do you need some help? Can I call someone to come get you? Me: Hmmm, been there, remember it.
Situation 2: The waitress somehow stumbles and her tray ends up on the floor. She: Are you okay? Let me help you with that. Me: Hmmm, been there, don't carry trays anymore.
Of course I care but nobody got hurt and how can you learn from your mistakes if you aren't allowed to make them? Surely the drunk shouldn't have had that last (or last two) drink(s) but how do you know where your limit is when you don't cross it once in awhile. And I agree the waitress stumbling is sad but she'll learn either to not walk with a tray in front of her when there are several obstacles or to not walk with a tray entirely. I'm a lovable cold bastard (Not my words) or a soft Teddy-bear on ice (again not my words).
With our nephews and nieces growing up and reaching that age where they'll face the 'entire world' on their own for the first time we have had several discussions with their parents about how much you can shield them or advice them but in my opinion you can only answer their questions. Few as they may be.
They need to make the mistakes. They need to take the risks. And you need to hope that from everything you've tried to learn them 10 percent has stuck. And during all this we realize that we are our parents. A different era and a different perspective but we are our parents.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I've been told otherwise but I just don't agree. No one was willing to accept the challenge to prove me wrong and I think therein lies the biggest problem. Talk is cheap but asking a manager or director to manage or direct, let alone develop or invent, needs for them to act and when you act you run the risk of falling on your face. That's what they are paid for. Take risks but control those. But more and more I feel that faces are more important then actions.
The number of times I suggested to cut out middle management because they just do not contribute to a company are countless. In my opinion 75% of middle management are social workers. They only exist to guard the top dogs for unwanted attention from the work force and to relay the not so fun messages in the other direction. The top dogs get paid for this btw. But they have a budget and know how to defend that. The opposition I have encountered over the years when I attack those costs ....physical threats, verbal threats... I could write a book.
Anyways if anyone wants to take on the experiment with CS contact me.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
I really disliked our Prime Minister Jan-Peter Balkenende. I use dislike because I think you can not hate someone you don't really know. Three times he has formed a Cabinet and every time he has excelled in NOT showing leadership. I can not remember him ever answering a question with yes or no. I really hope that he won't run again because the man is hurting The Netherlands in my opinion. And no, they aren't all as bad. I will go as far as calling him 'Our Bush'. Something I don't do lightly.
Anyways we most likely will have new general elections in about three months and I'm scared.
Current polls show that one man, a populist, is getting a lot of the votes. The man, Geert Wilders, borders on being racist and although I can understand why people would vote for him I am worried for what happens when. I don't want to think of that just yet.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
What do you do when people get bored with you? What when publishers, both old school magazines and online, pick up on this and stop giving the attention? Yep, you give it one last effort. An effort that leaves rational people shaking their head and publishers notice you once again. And what or who do you blame for this last 'effort'?
Yes the pressure of being in everyones attention all the time. I'm sure they won't even recognize the irony but can we, the rational people, please start giving attention to people that really deserve it through their achievements or deeds rather then putting non-achievers on a pedestal? Surely this will stop sometime, right? There is still hope, right?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"Ummm, you may think that but I'm just very upset by what you did."
"Yeah, but your reaction is over the top because you're stressed."
"My reaction is over the top? You just lost us $ 75.000 and my reaction is over the top?"
"Yep, but don't blame yourself. I know it is because you're stressed."
"Well let me show you how stressed I am. You're fired!"
"Oh come on, Surely you will think it through another time and see you're wrong."
"Oh boy, You don't know me very well, do you? When I'm stressed I either get very quiet or very loud. As I'm neither at the moment you should pick up on the fact I'm dead serious. Please leave the office right, NOW!"
"See, now you're shouting and you're stressed."
"Shut up and get the f%$#@ out of here. Let it sip into that pocket-size brain of yours that you no longer work here. It is over. Finito. Goodbye."
Finally he left.
Moments later my colleague enters my room. "Did you fire him?" "Yes I did." "Okay I'll get him out of the office."
Now that's someone who knows me.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I'm back online so new pictures of the move here
There is still a lot to be done. Still waiting for the new couches to arrive. This could be another five weeks. Did order the curtains though but they need to do the measurements first so that will be another three weeks I guess. And with that I need to wait with buying new lights, lamps etc etc.
So the last picture in the set is how it will be for now.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
***I'm working from my lap-top as everything else is pretty much in boxes.***
I got a call from the painter today that he had finished his work. I went to have a look after I finished work and although I need to see it with daylight it looked very good. Pictures will be up as soon as I have established my new internet connection.
So my to-do list for the old place tomorrow reads as follows:
- First I have to destroy my old bed ;-) When the alarm goes off tomorrow I will tear into it.
- Next up is defrosting the refrigerator so it can be moved and destroyed
- Then the blinds will come down
- and last task in the old house will be disassembling the salon table. It has to go with me because I don't have a new one yet.
- Then I grab this lap top and some other stuff I need immediately at the new place and I'm off, yeaahhhhh.
Then the new place:
- Grocery shopping
- Put together my new bed
- Put up some blinds
- One way or another make some light
- Unpack the dinner table
- Unpack the chairs for it
- Unpack the fauteuil
- Install the internet (let's hope there is a signal)
- Install the new TV
- Unpack some small tables
- Do whatever I'm able to do before heading to mom for dinner.
Don't have the new couches yet. Should be wednesday next week or so before they arrive.
Then first thing Thursday is meeting the movers at my old place. I hope it will be done before mid-day so I can start unpacking the boxes and stuff.
And Friday I should be back to work in the morning and shopping for curtains for both the living en bedroom in thew afternoon.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
9.00AM Carpet for the bedroom,
1.00-3.00PM Delivery of Washer/Dryer/TV etc etc.
2.30- 6.00PM Delivery of couch/dinner table/bed
4.30PM Painter to determine the work and costs (see previous entry)
Nice schedule I'd say.
This is how it went:
4.45PM Couch/Dinner Table/Bed
So I was busy waiting for the most part and then was busy like a cat chasing its tail. Worst part is that my coffee machine still has to be delivered and I had to survive on tea. Yes, survive.
1. The carpet went in smoothly.
2. The painter was the only one on time so when he told me he could have it done by Tuesday I figured he could. I secretly jumped in the air from joy. Could it be I will be able to sleep in my new home this time next week?
3. The big ass couch wouldn't fit in the elevator. So instead of hiring a outside lift dingy I've decided to return the big one order a little smaller one. I'm sure that one fits cause one did already get in. Have to make a new appointment though. Everything else got in easily.
4. The washer/dryer guys called during the afternoon because their van had broken down. They had quickly hired a truck but obviously this had taken some time. Once they were there it went quick. But one part that had to be installed on the washer, so the dryer can stand on top of it, wasn't installed. So now I have to make another appointment to get that fixed. (I'm sure I wrote at least one time about the fact I break things not build, LOL)
I hear you think: All those presents to unwrap...... But I can not start that because the walls need to be painted still. So I'm a bit like a kid staring at all those x-mas presents under the tree FOR A WEEK! ;-) I'm not impatient.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
For the move I have already called in professional movers. I know my shoulder would go should I do it myself. However I assumed I would be able to do the paint work in the new apartment and had scheduled three days, with a possible fourth, to do it but after being able to manage yesterday, today the pain just got too heavy and I had to stop.
With most of the new furniture arriving this Tuesday I had hoped to get the painting stuff out of the way before that. But with the final move scheduled for Thursday week I now am trying to find someone who can do the painting for me before that is going to take place.
I've arranged a painter to come have a look on Monday and I hope to be able to announce a deal here that evening and have this thing out of my mind. I know the time table is kind of tight but I sure as hell hope we can do it in the week leading up to my final move.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I'm guessing a week before I put up some progress pics. Those may surprise you
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Yesterday Nath asked me to come with her to a store and help her carry some items she bought. No biggie. Just an In-Out trip. No shopping involved.
Wrong. Even though she had been there Friday buying the stuff we were going to pick up she managed to 'find' new items and those led to a search for more. You'd think after more then a decade she'd know my feelings about shopping. I don't mind going into them and buying what I need but after that I need to run. Run very hard. Run as quick I can away from them.
"Why do you hate to spend time in a store?" she asked.
"Because, like with advertising, they try to trick you into buying more. A well organized shop is set up in a way you end up buying more then you went in for. And even knowing that such is the case you end up in their nets. So I made it my personal mission to only go into stores when I need something and leave with only that in my hands. You knew I was a little off, right?"
"Will I ever understand you fully?"
"Nah, but as long as you love me and tolerate my 'off-bits' like I do you and yours I can think we can make this work."
"I have off-bits?"
"The day I fully understand women I have become one."
She looked at me and then she looked at the lady at the register.
"Do you want him?"
I started running.....
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I saw the question forming itself in her brain but even though she is quite capable of making sentences from just a few words no sound crossed her lips.
Nathalie jumped in and did the asking. "Why? Where you that angry that she left?" "No, I wasn't angry. I could fully understand why she went away. I'd done the same probably." "So, did you shredder them?" No, I didn't. I just threw them in the bin." "But why?"
"Have you ever had anything in your possession that triggered your memory in such a way that you couldn't function in normal life? So much so that you felt physically ill looking at it. Sick from the desire back to it, the anger about the circumstances but foremost the love you feel but can not express? Well that's what those pictures were to me and in order to be able to work again and rediscover myself I had to get rid of them. It took me two months before I did but emptying that bin and then seeing the truck drive away took such a load of my shoulders.
You and me wouldn't have existed without that. This, the three of us together, would never have happened without that. I can not imagine what would have happened without that."
I don't think I ever have made women cry other then from laughter.........