Sunday, July 25, 2010

Break up 2

As it turned out the book wasn't what led to the question about breaking up. It was an earlier discussion she had with a girlfriend. Although we are both well used to getting questions about the way the shaped our relationship Nath somehow had gotten stuck into the thinking pattern of her girlfriend. The gf had argued that the reason we weren't married was because I wanted the easy-way-out option. Normally Nath would have brushed this aside but I guess the gf was persuasive,

Anyway we had a long talk this morning and I was able to reset her 'system'. After 15 or so years she knows that when I think something is finished it is for me. Being married or even being chained to a wall wouldn't make a difference.
Many, many moons ago I asked her if she could imagine growing old with me, even if it would mean we ended up in separate rooms in a home for the elderly. She said she could and I asked her to let me know if and when something changed. I promised I would do the same. This for me is as strong a commitment as marriage would be. I don't promise much but when I do I do the utmost to keep them.

The fact Nath lost her way in the discussion with her gf on this subject does leave me with the question however if she is already losing it. Is she getting old much quicker then I am?

Hun, hang in there. I'll catch up (one day).

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Break up

She was reading a book when she asked me what I would do if we broke up.
I figured something in the book had triggered that question and, with my habit of treating a question as just a question and not reading anything into it before the follow-up questions arrive, I answered that it depended on the reason.
If she had found a new partner I would probably cover myself with work and go into seclusion for a few months and had I found a new partner I would probably just move on. But if it was a mutual decision I wouldn't know what I would do. Then it would depend on whether or not I was at peace with it.

I could see something about the answer wasn't to her liking....

"You clearly have thought about this."
"No, not really but I don't want to defend myself for answering your question."
"Hold on. You're not getting away with this that easily."
"Look, I was just answering your question. I'm secure about my insecurities involving our relationship. What would you do if we broke up?"
"I don't know. I really don't know."
"Silly woman. Here I am thinking I'm the one who is insecure...."

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Note: Don't be afraid about reading further. Neither I nor anyone close to me, as far as I know, is considering suicide as an out for current problems.

Yesterday afternoon I hooked up with my friend Harry. He's one of those friends I don't see often but when we do we discuss in a way that those present wonder how we can make sense of it or if it even is a discussion. We change topics quicker then we sip our beers.

When Nath came home last night she asked how Harry was doing and what we discussed. "He's doing great and we talked about suicide." She stopped taking her coat off and looked at me in shock. "Suicide? Why did you talk about suicide? Is he....? How did you come to talk about....? Oh wait don't answer that one." But I couldn't resist explaining how we came to suicide. "We somehow were talking about squirrels. That led to hoarding which in turn let us to the question who wouldn't hoard in times of need. It obvious those suicidal wouldn't hoard. Thus the subject became suicide." "Sorry I asked. I forgot who I sleep with." "Hehe, you sleep with Harry?" "No comment. So what did you two conclude?"

We agreed I'd be unsuccessful at a help line because I'm not against taking your own life albeit a very selfish act. I don´t know how anyone would get to a stage where they could commit suicide but some clearly reach that stage and I can´t see why suicide should be forbidden. I do however think there should be some sort of honor code that includes informing those trained to deal with this (police etc) after the act, leaving kids out of it and doing it in way no one else get traumatized.
So jumping off buildings or in front of trains is an absolute no-no. What have train drivers done to be scarred for life by a jumper or what have innocent passersby´s  done to be subjected to the possibility someone lands on them. (This happened recently btw. The jumper survived the passerby didn´t.)

I know some don´t agree with me but before anyone starts bashing my view on this let me share some background information that might lessen the reaction.
  • I do have personal experience with this.
  • I do think that no one committing suicide is a hero or a villain.
  • I do think we failed those committing suicide
Now feel free to react.