Saturday, October 30, 2010


In a normal situation I would have been packing this weekend to go on holiday but a few weeks ago when we were talking about it and trying to decide if and where we'd go I couldn't see myself travel right now. To be honest I can't see myself travelling for a few weeks still. I hardly manage to do the daily stuff like work, shopping and cooking dinner so travelling long distances isn't quite the most exciting thing on my mind.

But Nath needs a holiday badly. She has worked hard for most of the year and with projects coming up later had to go now or not go this year. Reluctantly she started looking for a friend to go with her, found one and will be on her way come this Monday. It is not a bad thing to buy two 'lonely' ladies a drink but when you see a pair of them in Spain the next two weeks make sure to mention my name when doing so. You could end up having great company.

As to poor me. I will probably take a few days off myself and grab a book or two I want to read. And when the sun sets I will stare to the horizon thinking of her, contemplating if the advice I gave was the right one and hoping she'll return to my cave safely.

Bon voyage mon amour.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Weird stuff

So I had my MRI on Wednesday. Result: A full blown neck hernia with the advice to have an operation on it. This was not unexpected but the implications from it like being in hospital for 3-6 days and unable to work for 6-8 weeks after that are huge. The other option is resting and hoping the hernia goes away by itself. But having had this thing for 5 weeks now and more or less seeing no progress I don't have not much faith in that.

And then we have a day like today where I'm almost free of pain. It throws you a curve ball. Here I am trying to figure out how to go from this point. When to schedule an operation and then my body decides to toy a little and make the second option of rest a possibility. Weird stuff.

Whatever happens I've decided to wait till Monday before I schedule an operation. Even then there is a waiting list for 4-6 weeks and when during that time the hernia decides to get lost I can always cancel. If I don't schedule an operation and take the route of resting I could end up being in pain for another 10 weeks with the same outcome: An operation.

Freaking weird stuff

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I know almost all of my recent posts have been linked to the pain I'm having and that's not surprising when I think about it. My social life has come to a halt, my sex life has been drugged down and my work life only exist on good days. I never experienced pain over such a long period of time and never understood the effect it has on ones life.

I've stopped my social life because the extra pain it causes. Right now I don't consider it worth it.
My sex life has stopped mostly because of the drugs. I would take the extra pain *LOL* but somehow don't have the drive. And my work life sort of stumbles on. I have obligations and take the extra pain because of them but as soon as I see an opening to leave I'm gone.

Up till now people in general have been very considerate but I can't predict how long they will be. At some point they will start demanding again and I hope when that time comes my problem is solved. Right now I have the utmost respect for those living with pain all their life and being able to function as well.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Update on my health

From my previous post about my pinched nerve (see here) not much has changed really. I've now not been able to sleep in a bed for 4 weeks but at least I get 5-6 hours a night in 3-4 short bursts.

Because I was still unable to lay down I got new medication on Monday: Oxynorm/Oxycodon, Jayne told me that it is Hillbilly Heroin. I can tell you that I didn't like it. It took away the pain but with that went the control over my body. Rapid heartbeat, shivering and shaking, hyperactivity followed by tiredness. All symptoms that caused me to switch back to Tramadol again. I rather have a little pain and control then no pain and no control.
I have to say that my appointment with the neurologist and radiologist for next Wednesday played a role in this decision. What's another week when you had four already, right?

On Wednesday they will diagnose my problem. Make an MRI if necessary. Pinched nerve or hernia? Maybe something totally different? Anyway, at the end of the day they will give me answers and the route to go forward.

Oh and when you see me online during the night please gimme a shout. I get bored playing Bejeweled all the time. ;-)

Monday, October 4, 2010

I got published

Several weeks ago I told you that I had a new 'job' in writing columns. Since I've written 4 or 5 that have been published online but after the responses some got one has now made it to the actual print version.

In general the responses are 'refreshing', 'interesting look on things' and 'humorous'. The one that got printed I have to give partial credit to Lara for, who during one of my pain caused nightly intermezzo's was online. We got to talk about finding topics for columns and somehow I boasted that I could write one about traffic lights if I wanted to and make it sound interesting. Of course only when you have a 'free' column, one where you can write about anything, this could work. I mentioned to her that the lights were being replaced by roundabouts more and more over here and my fear that the cupid factor (flirting while it's red) of traffic lights had been underrated in the decision making.

I sort of toyed with this idea for a bit and decided I should prove to myself I actually could write such a column. Much to my surprise my friend the editor was really enthusiastic about it and decided this one could make the printed version. No need to say I was and am proud.

So far the reactions on the publication have been positive and luckily I don't have a deal where I need to write a column every so often otherwise I might suffer from the pressure to live up to this first one.

I tried to translate it to English but even with some help from Nathalie I feel it just doesn't translate. Maybe I will write it entirely new in English one of these days to see if that works.

Oh and yes I'm still in pain and using drugs so who knows what other topics may come up during the coming nights.