Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Kept promises

It's a little over 10 years ago that a client told me to call her whenever I needed something. Today I made that call and this is how strange things sometimes work:

Me: Hey T. this is H. How are..
Her: Damn I waited for this call, what, 10 years now? How much?
M: Uh, How much have you available?
H: Whatever you need.
M: Nice to hear things are going well. I need your distribution network and 200k with another 100 maybe later.
H: Percentage or shares?
M: Shares
H: Send me the bank details and paperwork
M: That easy?
H: Nah, you need to hit town with me one night also.
M: mmkay. You know we aged 10 years also, right?
H: Yeah yeah. How's Nath?
M: She's fine.
H: Bring her.
M: I'm guessing you're single again?
H: Yup and I'm gonna hit on her.
M: Okay, If she wants I'll bring her with me.
H: Put in the effort. See you soon.
M: Ciao, will mail you today.

In five minutes I got a gigantic headache to look forward to, a lesbian hitting on my partner and the deal I've been breaking my head over for about a month now.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Soul search

If you are very much into christmas and don't like criticism, reading what follows may not be your cup of tea.

Largely due to writing a column I've recently found myself explaining my views more then I would have liked but I guess that it comes with the territory. The positive of this has been that I was made to think and write a little more about my views. The negative, judging by the subsequent comments, is that people get hung up about my views not being in line with each other. I never said they were. The only thing I have said is that I think logical, not that I think consequent.
Once I have a point of view on something it is hard for others to change my mind but when you ask my opinion about a related matter my point of view can be influenced by having had a good or bad coffee that morning or hitting my toe. The outcome is open and so it can happen that on related matters I have different views yet stick with both at the same time.

The most recent debate was about christmas (I'm deliberately ignoring the spell check indicating I should use a capital C btw). As a kid I hated christmas. There was no particular reason other then that I could. Why I could? Ever told a kid something that months later came back to nip you in the bum? I was such a kid.
I must have been 7 or 8 years old when I was staying at my grandpa for a week during a summer break and he specifically told me not to go swimming. I did anyway and when he asked why I told him that everyone went swimming. He asked if when everyone jumped of a building I was going to jump too. I had to admit I wouldn't and he told me that from that moment on whenever "everyone" did something I had to think of the building. And thus 6 months later I decided against christmas.

Fast forward 30 years and I still hate christmas. During these years I've collected reasons to do so more then reasons not to do so. Some of the reasons (in no particular order):
- People slowly switching off in the month leading up to christmas. This seems to be a progressive trend by the way. 
- The fact christmas is commercially altered to fit into the christian calendar.
- People decorating their homes and workspace because it makes the place feel better. If so, then why not leave the decorations there all year long? You don't live or work in a place for a year feeling bad just so you can have a better feeling for a few weeks. Logic says you do it the other way round.
- People judging those not participating whilst at the same time preaching the christmas tantrum of peace, equality and togetherness.

I have more but I won't bother you with those. I will however bother you with the fact I like christmas lights, the christmas songs from Mariah Carey, Chris Rea and Wham (although not 10 times a day) and christmas shopping windows.

Feel free to share your views.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Bumps

I was talking to my friend Jayne last night and somehow our discussion brushed upon public transport. Jayne told me she felt crowded every time she uses public transport with people bumping in to her for no particular reason. I hope I managed to convince her there are two very good reasons for people bumping into her. They sure are top on my list and let's be honest they do take up some space.

As for me, I have to admit I'm more the bumper then the bumpee. As most of those who use public transport, especially trains, know people wait in front of the doors rather then to the side of them. Thus making it harder for those who need to get off before they can get on. It makes no sense to stand in front of the doors yet it seems to be the most popular place. Neither public advertising nor Mr. Darwin's Evolution theory have made significant inroads into that belief.

For me herein lies the challenge. I want to educate people but don't want to use words doing so. When exiting, in my case the train, I therefor look straight ahead and expect people to move. You'd be surprised how many actually move with this attitude whereas they wouldn't when you'd ask nicely. When they don't move I just bump into them. Not hard but just enough to 'educate' them. When they start yelling, hardly ever I hear a 'Sorry', I don't react. I just keep walking ahead. The risk they come after you is rather slight because they need to catch the train after all.

Within the community of non-movers there is a special breed. Namely those carrying coffee. They either are preoccupied by their coffee or not noticing their particular vulnerability to the bump. In any way I especially target them. Not to spill the coffee all over them but to spill nevertheless. I have been known to slightly bring out the elbow for a better effect I admit.

So now you know. I have a dark side. A side that only came to the surface because Darwin and public advertising just couldn't cope with stupidity. After decades of waiting for the light to come on inside those heads I couldn't manage to wait any more. I'm getting older too, you know. Now I just hope to grow old enough to see my educational talents be deemed supernatural.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Journal

If not to inform you this journal is an excellent way for me to keep track of my situation and thoughts.

The pain situation
Two weeks ago I stopped with the painkillers because I felt I was making enough progress.
And I was right. Without the painkillers I was able to sleep in bed and do the normal daily things without pain.
And I was wrong. Without the pain didn't mean I was healed. Having put chores on a slow burner during the weeks before I thought that painless as I was I could do them all in one weekend. Wrong, I had to take a pill as soon as I was finished but at that point (Monday) I still felt it was a minor issue.

The next day it was a bit worse but I jokingly told a colleague that by the muscle pain I had, I could feel I hadn't done anything around the house for a few weeks.
Wednesday I went to work but went home after only a few hours. The pain I felt was worse then I had in the beginning.
Desperation.
My right hand and fingers were swollen and my entire right arm felt as if it was going to explode. Hoping it would go away I waited a day before getting stronger meds. You could say that in my thinking there reality lost to hope but in the end there was no escaping. I needed stronger drugs. Although I got them on Friday it took till Saturday night for them to become effective. The pain level dropped to something I could handle and now my 'depression' could make way for optimism.
Today I went back to lesser drugs again. Let me first stress that I hate medication but sometimes you just need them. I don't like pain either but I like to feel pain so I know at which stage my body is. Let's hope I can slowly get to the point again where I can stop taking the painkillers.

The overall situation
After the better part of 10 weeks I was so relieved that I was able to stop using painkillers. I saw myself picking up my normal life. Going to social events again and going out to dinner and enjoy the conversation and a good glass of wine. And then the pain returned. The tears in my eyes were not only from the pain I can tell you.
Fed up with the situation I was ready to do the operation even though this meant being more or less bed bound for 6 to 8 weeks. Taking that option I knew I was getting rid of the problem and it would not return as easily as it had.
The future will decide if I'm lucky with the surgeon I have. I, frustrated and tired, want a quick solution and he, although he wants to operate on me because of the interesting nature of the procedure, doesn't want to operate on something that with rest can heal itself. We discussed it for quite some time but I (luckily?) can't force him to operate so we agreed to put the decision on hold for another 5 weeks.

At the moment the level of pain supports his view but a little voice in the back of my head still tells me it can turn bad in an instance again and that worries me. I need to be very cautious with what I do and at the moment that's easy because of the pain I still have. What I need to remember is that once the pain is gone the problem needs another few months to fully disappear. And that will be a problem.