Sunday, February 17, 2013

Am I or not?

I sort of promised this entry in a FB update in which I had settled for the idea that I'm different.

A few weeks ago I got into an argument with a friend over Nathalie. Well not her personally but her looks and the effects of them on our relationship.

At some point during a conversation my friend said that I had it easy to keep the relationship going because Nath was so good looking. When I told him that I would have never gotten into a relationship with her if she had not challenged me intellectually he dismissed that by a 'whatever' or 'yeah right' kind of comment. In the end I had to settle for the fact I'm different. My mind works different to that of my friend or friends even as the others present had trouble sharing my view.

But this is how it is for me. Nathalie is good looking and because the exterior is the first thing you get to see from any woman normally, it is what gets your attention at first. But for me that attention disappears the moment that good looking woman isn't able to form a normal sentence or wonders if water is wet. I would still be able to like such a woman but an attempt at a relationship is a no no.

Nath turned out to be perhaps even smarter then I. She turned out to be funny and also very important not afraid of me. When I realised that, I allowed myself to think of a relationship. That it became one the way it did has its foundation in this process of thought. She probably had given it some thought from her perspective as well otherwise this whole entry would just be an exercise in writing.

And then a few days ago Holly updates her FB status with this: Sapiosexual - A person who is sexually attracted to intelligence in others. And this gets me thinking. Am I this or am I not?

And I am not I think. I'm attracted to intelligence in others but for it to become sexual attraction I need a few more things. I need some part of the exterior to rub me the right way. I need wit. I need someone who sees me. I need a contraforce.

And I'm lucky to have a few women in my life that check all those boxes.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Bon voyage

The day she heard the news I vowed never to ask her again how she was doing. It took her about 1.5 years to catch it. "You never ask me how I'm doing anymore. Only 'Are you at ease?' or 'Are you comfortable?' Why is that?"
I explained her that it didn't matter anymore how she was doing but that the only thing that mattered was how she was feeling. She thought about it, nodded her head slightly and said: "Only you."

We have known each other for 36 years. We visited the same schools, lived nearby, even though we moved around over the years we were never more the two miles apart, and most importantly kept in touch. I think that over the years we only called each other twice to set up a meet. Mostly we would run into each other on the street or in a grocery shop and ask what the other one was doing that night. No plans? Well why don't you come over then? Some years we only met once. Some years five or six times.

She married, gave birth to Max, divorced a year later, tried a few new relationships, decided to focus on bringing up Max, dabbled with a few new relationships once he moved out and built herself a nice career as an ICU nurse during all this.

Saturday a week ago she called to ask if I could come by. When I asked how Tuesday sounded she told me she would manage till then. Laying down the phone I knew why I was summoned. I had not prepared for this day but when Nathalie asked what I was going to do I, surprising myself, said without hesitation that I would order three dozen white roses. "But you always told me she was so fond of colour?" Nath argued. "She is and that's exactly why they need to be white."

I handed her the flowers and she reached for the card. It read 'For my colourful and funny friend. Bon voyage.' A smile from ear to ear appeared on her face and when she kissed me to thank me she whispered "Only you, asshole." in my ear. We talked about lots of stuff during the two hours I was there but one passage I will always remember.
"Any regrets?"
"We never slept together."
"I can stay the night but you look like shit."
"Yeah, we better not."
"I don't think you missed much."
"Ha, I know."

Sunday morning the phone rang and I knew before looking at the caller-ID.